Why There is So Much Guilt Around Femininity

We as women have somehow guilted ourselves into believing that femininity is weak at best and manipulative at worst. When in reality, femininity serves us. It creates space to daydream and embrace ourselves. There's nothing to feel bad about prioritizing yourself. It builds your self confidence. It supports faith. It's the key to becoming your own best friend. Nobody can take from you what they don't have access to.

Often times, I find myself having an internal chant about how there is nothing to feel bad about. As bonafide type A personality, my internal dialogue tells me that self pampering is not productive. Sure, if you think of how productive is meant to serve others then yes. The thing is though, too many times I've felt like I'm giving from an empty cup. Femininity is often used as a weapon against women. As if to be divinely feminine is a threat. It probably is. That's exactly why we should be embracing stepping back from serving outwards and serve inwards first.

Which then feeds this nature that women are needy, selfish and vain. All for wanting to take care of what makes us feel whole. It's high time to reclaim vanity for its benefits. Take pride in how you look. Take pride in how you present yourself. Because, there is so much internal work along the way. It's going to take patience. It's going to be uncomfortable at times but the beauty of it is. That nobody is quite going to have the same experience and that's something you could always treasure.

Real Benefits to Setting Personal Boundaries

There is not a person in the world who likes to hear no. (To an extent, but reply if you'd consider it another in another newsletter?) In the long run it feels uncomfortable and heavy. Caring about someone doesn't mean you can't tell them no. When you give from nothing it feeds burnout. Your brain constantly begins to say that you're second fiddle. That your whole identity is wrapped around what you could do for something else.

I personally love the feeling of helping someone else. Easing someone's burden is a kind thing to do. I often used to prioritize that dopamine I got from making sure everyone around me was good. I loved feeling needed and depended on. Which, slowly, made everything start to feel really monotonous.

Setting Boundaries For Yourself and Others

When you set boundaries with yourself and others, things improve. The quality of what you give goes up because you're not giving from an insecure place. It also helps weed out people who are only takers. When you first start respecting and establishing your own boundaries it's going to feel awkward. You are creating a space that simply wasn't there before. Good communication is also a really big part of making your boundaries feel real. Remember that even if it feels like you're being evil at first. It is for your best interest. When your cup is overflowing, it will give.

How to Make Femininity Your Own

Approach femininity knowing that it isn't a one size fits all. You can take aspects from femininity that you can lean into. So, there is no real standard as to what is feminine enough? Allow the principles to speak for themselves. You'll start to notice how different things feel. Intuition tells you what's uncomfortable because you're growing. Or, what's uncomfortable because it's not working. Trust that you could build that intuition.

When starting on this whole journey, the very first thing that stuck to me was: it's never really going to be over. It was a comforting and terrifying thought. Naturally, I started small. I started down the path of least resistance. Following my curiosity gave me more situations in which I was approaching a fork in the road. Since it's a topic of self, I was able to actually take both paths and figure out my preference.

Being Feminine Isn't Solitary

Defining your femininity doesn't have to be a lonely journey. A great support system enriches the experience of moving slowly. There is so much gratitude that flows to the surface with femininity. Femininity is the key to emotional softness. It gives you a break from having to have it all figured out. Showing up for yourself like this builds confidence.

My journey with femininity so far has gone a long way towards helping me know myself. I've become my own very best friend. I've gotten to know what makes me special from the traits I value in myself. I know that I that my feelings aren't always going to be right. But, I respect myself enough to feel them through. I make myself vulnerable to the right people. Just being without the expectation to perform.

This is Your Takeaway of Creating Feminine Energy

I'll let you know that even if you don't feel supported. It's simply untrue. I'm happy to support this budding community. I'm rooting for you. Your definition of femininity is bound to not line up perfectly with mines. Start your journey though, know that there's a lot you don't know. Let's not give up before we even start! Feminine energy embodies community and togetherness. I'm happy to celebrate your wins with you through these emails. More Reading From Me to You:

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